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Day after day I still tell myself that what happened that night was just a dream, that the moment I wake up, I will still see you and your bright smile…

I lost count on how many days has it been, but the feeling is still the same. Apologies on writing late I wasn’t even ready to send you off… I really took my time before I could formally write, I wanted it to be more personal than just simply writing an article.

Bin-ah~! Annyeong! How are you? Have you been well? Did you eat? Did you rest well? Are you okay? These are the questions that has been running in my mind every time I see you go on live. I wanted to ask you those questions to let you know that even from a distance I am here, I wanted to make you feel loved by words and actions – to reach out to you and let you know that the same way you we’re here for me, I will always be here for you.

Was it hard? was life hard for you? I’m sorry for not asking. I wish there was an easier path for us to take, to lessen the burden and the pain but all we got was each other and that was more than enough or so I thought it was enough, I was never good with goodbyes, so why did you have to leave so early? Did you get tired? Did you want to rest so bad that you had to sleep through the pain? I wish there was a way to save you, like how you saved me – but I can’t blame you and I will never blame you for leaving. I guess there’s just a lot of unanswered questions but it’s okay – it’s okay if I don’t get why, and how, as long as you’re in peace.

I have been counting, it’s been 3 years – 3 years since Astro saved me. The song ‘Run’ was the reason why I’m still here writing about you. Bin, thank you. Thank you for saving me, for making me feel like there will always be a person running towards me whenever I get lost, that there will always be someone waiting for me and rooting for me.

It’s hard, it’s really hard – but with this I know I can get through… I have been re-reading your friends and fans letters about you, in such a way it gave me comfort; comfort knowing that you lived a good life – you inspired a lot of people and you gave comfort to them.

Bin-ah~! Thank you for opening doors for me, for being the first artist that we needed to cover, for letting our paths cross. I remember going home from the fan-meeting telling Chesca that my head hurts from laughing so hard. There’s a lot of things that I wanted to thank you for, but I’ll say it in my prayers with the hope that it reaches you.

I will always remember how much you smiled, how much you give so much comfort to me and to Aroha’s. We will always have you in our hearts and we promise to live a happy life for you. Moonbin, thank you and rest in love. I am now ready to send you off.

Written and Published by: Ja Escobar
For Moonbin, Astro and Aroha’s – let’s find our peace in each other

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